I’m a traveling speaker, coach and seminar leader. My blog will include lessons and adventures on the seminar circuit. You can also find my newsletter, “The One Minute Note.” Welcome and thanks for visiting.
Ready to like yourself a whole lot more?
Before going to bed get out your journal and create two columns. The column on the left is entitled “Did Wells.” The column on the right is entitled, “What That Says About Me.”
Think of your day and list in the left column everything that you did well that day. These can be simple things like remembering to take your vitamins, giving yourself plenty of time to drive to work or finishing a project on time. The list can also include the larger successes like initiating a difficult conversation with a loved one, enrolling in night school or making a long prepared for presentation at a team meeting. Once you’ve got your list, now it’s time to look at the right column. For each item in your left column, ask yourself this question: If a person does that activity, what does that say about her or him?
So, for instance, if a person remembers to take her vitamins, what does that say about her? In the right column will be your answer. It could be one word or a few words like “responsible” or “healthy.” If a person enrolls in night school, what does that say about him? Perhaps it would say, he’s ambitious, forward thinking or courageous. After a few minutes, you will have a list of wonderful qualities about yourself.
Over the course of a few weeks, you’ll begin to notice certain qualities keep coming up. You’ll realize that you must be very organized, articulate and diplomatic. Your Did Well lists told you time and time again! Or maybe you’ll realize you have a great sense of humor, are kind and are great with numbers. Once again, it’s your Did Well list that makes that clear.
And these great qualities that you learn about yourself aren’t the result of egotism or bragging, they’re simply facts about you based on your behavior. See the magic of this technique? You will know the truth about yourself – that you’re a pretty talented person with many great attributes and strengths.
I have used “Did Well” lists for months at a time and have watched my self esteem blossom. Enjoy the beauty of who you are by noticing what you do well every day.
Can people raise their own self esteem? Yes! In fact, no one can do it for you. That’s the whole beauty of the process. Any action you take to lift your self esteem is an affirmation that you are worth it – worth having good thoughts about, worth earning well for, worth taking good care of, etc.
If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Remember mom saying that? Well it’s true and it’s applies to you. Step one: cease and desist. It’s time to break the unhelpful habit of saying things about yourself that are unkind. Have you ever heard yourself say something like these zingers?
“I look fat.”
“I’m a clutz.”
“I’m always late.”
Whatever not nice thing you say out loud, please begin right now to zip your lips. I want you to either stay quiet or say something neutral. Let’s translate a few examples together…
“I have horrible handwriting.”
Translation: I think Wendy’s handwriting is neater than mine. Do you want her to do it?
“My desk is a pig sty.”
Translation: I could use some help organizing. Would you help me create a system?
“I’m so forgetful. I almost forgot my keys.”
Translation: Great, I remembered my keys.
People like to be around those who look at things with a positive spin. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.
I once had a big, life-changing idea that was as bright as a butterfly. Within days, I felt its wings sag, the momentum drop. What happened?
I am finding it important to match the feedback I need with the right person. There are well meaning people everywhere that can crush a delicate, new thought without realizing the damage they are doing. If you are like me, at the beginning phases of creativity it’s best to seek out only the gentlest witnesses.
About my bright idea? I’m back on track starting this month, I promise.
Do you treat your good ideas like the fragile and beautiful creatures they are? Let me hear your thoughts. Best yet, let’s share the ideas we are nurturing in our lives (and let’s promise to be gentle!)
Years ago, I would daydream about things that I wished would happen. Once I told one of these fantasies to my friend, Cindy:
I wish I could be interviewed for a radio show.
Before I continue this story, I should tell you that Cindy is one of the most successful, goal-setting and goal reaching people I know. She has created and sold a business, directed and produced a film on the film festival circuit, started two non-profits and bought two houses. Are you getting the idea?
Cindy gave me a funny look as if I was truly an odd person. She was about to share with me one of my most powerful lessons that year. I think she was shocked that I didn’t already know it. She said, “Why don’t you change the word ‘fantasy’ and use the world ‘goal’ instead? Then figure out what actions will bring you to that goal?”
Is it as easy as that? Well, yes. And no.
Cindy’s suggestion that rather than just hope a radio segment producer would randomly think to contact me that I could proactively contact that person myself scared me. It challenged how I thought of myself. At the time, I didn’t see myself as “big enough” for such a glamorous opportunity. So what I discovered about myself is that daydreams and fantasies were a way to soothe myself. I was able to stay in the comfort of a smaller life without risking, growing and changing.
Do you ever find yourself daydreaming about longed for experiences without taking action? You’re not alone. Stay tuned, we’re going to talk more on this subject.
About being a radio show guest – yes, I finally did it! The interview is about being a “Power Presenter” and here’s a link.
Have you heard about Twitter, the micro-blogging website that exploded on the online landscape in 2006? Well I’m not “getting” it, and I’ve tried. I’ve even paid my web designer to put the Twitter logo on my homepage to invite you all to “follow me.” Follow me if you dare: I don’t know where I’m going.
There are many who are just as confused as I am about the trend. They are abandoning the Twitter ship in droves. This does not comfort me. Twitter is not going away, and Twitter is not the issue anyway. It’s just a sign post pointing to the issue.
A connectivity that has never occurred before on our planet is being born. How this communication landscape will affect our world, how we work and how we relate has just barely begun to emerge. I can feel the change happening and on a deep level, I am resisting it. The resistance I must sheepishly admit is not because it’s a bad thing but simply because it’s a new thing.
Are you feeling the emergence of a new paradigm? Is it freaking you out? Let’s talk about this.
For now, I will post these thoughts on Twitter, and hope that someday, I will understand why.
Related blog – Web 2.0 – Recovery for the Anxious
Many would say twenty-one days, but habits that change that quickly are simple ones like remembering to take your vitamins. More ingrained habits built over a lifetime may take more gentle patience and time.
I had the honor last month of guiding an anger management workshop for the D.A.R.E. International Conference. One police officer who attended reported a week later that try as she did, she was still stuck in her old patterns. Rather than giving up hope, I recommend instead the simple task of awareness.
When you are engaged in an unwanted behavior, sharpen your awareness of it throughout the experience. Be like a curious, detached observer who has no opinion whatsoever about what you are doing. Awareness creates space and within that space can come something wonderful: choice.
This month I will say hello for you to Salt Lake City, Utah and Flagstaff, Tucson, Phoenix and Surprise, Arizona.
I’ve created a meditation audio CD that will relax your mind and body in less than twelve minutes. It’s $25.00 + shipping. Just email me if you’d like one, and I’ll take care of the details.
Here’s more support for admins! Introducing Trish Johnson of Vancouver who’s just started a helpful blog for administrative pros. Enjoy her handy advice on networking within your company, dressing for success, taking advantage of “down time” and much, much more.
Here’s the link. Thanks Trish for the great info!
If you’d like to take control of the paperwork on your desk, I recommend a new habit: at the end of the day: stop working ten minutes before you leave. Watch the video for the reason why! (Compliments of yours truly at Jean Franzblau Consulting.)
Activities to do with your final ten minutes at work: File stuff away, Look at your calendar and strategize for tomorrow, back up your files, prepare for your commute home, make your desk look like a nice place to return to.
In my July “One Minute Note,” I welcomed readers to offer their best techniques to create time freedom.
Health Coach, Christine Gonzalez, learned a great technique from a phone conference lead by Marie Forleo. In Christine’s words:
“Whenever I feel overwhelmed with my mile-long to-do-lists, I try to make one daily goal for myself the night before I go to bed. I make it something substantial that will make me feel like I am getting through the important things on the list and make it my priority to get it done before 10am (my scheduled work-time at the pharmacy). I always start my work day like a champ! Then I feel free the rest of the day.”
Solid idea, Christine!
Family Coach, Robin Gurse recommends re-phrasing the items on your to-do list. These aren’t the things you have to do. These are the things you get to do. In Robin’s words:
“I get to do the laundry today, I get to balance my checkbook, I get to do the dishes. This makes such a difference in my approach to these ‘mundane’ (holy?) acts of everyday life.”
Great tip, Robin!
Okay, readers, cares to share the love? Give us your best tip below.
Do you wish you had more free time? One way to create more spaciousness in your life is by paying attention to how you speak about time.
Do you talk about your schedule as jam packed? Do you often try to squeeze one more thing in? These words of limitation and tightness may very well create an experience of such in your daily life.
Try this trick – replace stressful sounding words with more calming words when you talk about your schedule. See what affect that has. Like this:
I’m late……..”The timing is different than what I thought.”
There’s no time for that……..”Let’s find a better time for that.”
There’s never enough time……….”I always have plenty of time.”
Do you have tips that build time freedom into your life? I’d love to receive them. (And I’ve got the time to read them.)
Happy 4th of July!
Jean “Plenty-o-Time” Franzblau Consulting